Heart to Heart: Things aren’t going your way, but stop beating yourself up

Laurie Martin

Dear Laurie,

When things don’t go my way I have a habit of being really hard on myself. I would like to stop beating myself up. What do you suggest I do instead?


Dear Nicki,

I’m sure many people can relate to your question. I’m glad you have an interest in being kinder to yourself. Make an agreement with yourself to practice living like you are your own best friend.

This means to speak to yourself in a supportive, loving, encouraging tone at all times, just as you would your own best friend, and as if you know that you’re are a beautiful, powerful, infinite divine being.

It’s also important to move to a space of acceptance. Accept your situation. Say to yourself, “OK, I can accept this occurred. I did the best I could with the knowledge and tools I had at the time. I will do better next time. I accept this is what is happening in the present moment. Life always works out. All is well.”

Another aspect is to practice lightening up on life and don’t take yourself so seriously. Cultivate a practice of patience and compassion.

When we beat ourselves up we give our power away and become a victim to that situation. An empowered outlook is to understand that you have options and choices and you can find humor in yourself. Trust that you are exactly where you are meant to be at every moment.

Observe your thoughts. If you are having thoughts such as: “I’m such an idiot,” “I should have known better,” “I screwed things up,” “I’m embarrassed; people are going to think I’m a failure,” or even “I hate myself,” then ask yourself, “How can I expand upon my thinking? How can I lighten up?”

Daily, spend time processing your emotions. Things trigger us all, but the important thing is to uncover why we were triggered. What fear, unresolved situation, insecurity or disappointment needs to be healed? Why are you not in peace? Is your ego bruised?

It’s OK to make mistakes. We all make them and will continue to. We learn from them, let it go and move on. Don’t let your mistakes tarnish your identity of yourself. And don’t be afraid of what other people think; don’t give them that power. You are an amazing fully empowered infinite being. And your pure essence is love, light and joy. Live like you know it.

For more uplifting, empowering and inspiring information, visit my website at www.smileacrossyourheart.com.

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Laurie Martin is a certified life coach, speaker, yoga teacher and advice columnist. Laurie is the author of three books: “Language of the Heart: Unconditional Love, Living Fully Empowered,” “Smile Across Your Heart: The Process of Building Self-Love,” and an e-book, “The Conscious Breakup Guide, Navigating Yourself Through the End of Your Relationship.” To contact Laurie, please email her at LaurieM@SmileAcrossYourHeart.com.

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