Heart to Heart: How do I become more inner led and stop taking things so personally?

Laurie Martin

Dear Laurie,

I’m tired of taking things personally and really want to build my inner strength and confidence. How do I begin to go about it Laurie?



Dear Liz,

I commend you Liz for your desire to be more inner led. Most of us are aware that “taking things personally” means we are giving our power away. Yet we all do it. And many times, it’s so subtle that we are not even aware and before we know it, we are not feeling good. We are hurt and in a knee-jerk reaction we retaliate by making the other person wrong, disliking them because we assume they don’t like us. We then think they are rude or mean.

I understand every situation is different and it can be challenging to not personalize another person’s choices, words and behavior. Luckily, there is a solution. The opposite of being reactive to life around us is to practice being more “inner led.” This is a choice. We choose to live life connected to ourselves, deeply rooted in our true essence and live from the inside out. We then can become more of a witness to our emotions without attaching or identifying with them.

Our source “within” becomes our compass. It doesn’t mean that we won’t feel hurt or sad but what it means is that we process our emotions and draw our energy back to ourselves quicker. We learn how to detach quicker. Does that make sense?

Many of us were taught to stretch for every morsel of validation, recognition and love from outside of us. Now we are learning how to draw our power back to ourselves and live unconditionally loving to ourselves. And we understand that other people’s behavior is coming from his or her limited life experience.

To practice not taking things personally, we understand who we are as infinite, beautiful, whole, fully empowered beings. Maybe we begin by understanding this concept on one level, but as we continue learning about unconditional love, we will know this on every level within us.

If you are on board, set your intention: “I intend to live life from the inside. I intend to trust myself. I intend to stay ‘in love’ and not fear. I intend to allow life to unfold without making it about me, without feeling like love walked away. I connect with my pure essence and feel my wholeness.”

Next time you begin to take someone’s behavior as an insult against you, catch yourself and process your emotions. It’s important to process lower vibrating emotions such as fear, worry, sadness, guilt, shame, anxiousness, hurt, disappointment and self-hatred. Once we do, we bring ourselves back to our pure essence of unconditional love, joy, beauty and light. This is empowerment.

To practice living fully empowered and in a space of unconditional love, join us for the eight-week Smile Across Your Heart course, beginning Saturday, Sept. 6, from 9 to 10:15 a.m. For the full agenda:

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Laurie Martin is a certified life coach, speaker, yoga teacher and advice columnist. Laurie is the author of three books: “Language of the Heart: Unconditional Love, Living Fully Empowered,” “Smile Across Your Heart: The Process of Building Self-Love” and an e-book, “The Conscious Breakup Guide: Navigating Yourself Through the End of Your Relationship. To contact Laurie, please email her at LaurieM@SmileAcrossYourHeart.com. Her website is www.smileacrossyourheart.com.