Heart to Heart: Help me stop my critical voice


By Laurie Martin Community Contributor

Thursday, April 12, 2012

Dear Laurie,

I’ve read many books that say our thoughts, words and feelings affect our life circumstances. I am very hard on myself. I noticed that when I’m going through a challenge, I usually think I did something wrong, maybe I had a negative thought or a negative feeling that caused this, and I get mad at myself, become hyper critical, why didn’t I learn this lesson yet? Why am I still fearful about this? Why haven’t I grown past this? I read your column and love your helpful and positive approach to life. Do you have any suggestions on how I stop being so hard on myself?


Dear Maria,

Bless you Maria for your beautiful heart! This is a wonderful question! I’m going to address your question of how to view this differently from your current behavior of being critical and hard on yourself. Please know I have no judgment on your current situation.

A perspective from a space of unconditional love is one that believes life is an experience, and when you are in a challenge, this is an experience you are having, staying in a space of neutrality. Neutrality is no judgment, no labels. You are not less than in any way. You are bringing awareness to the situation and fully accepting it. You know this challenge will pass, as others have. This view helps us draw our energy back from our emotional attachments and take life a little lighter.

You can accept your current situation and stay in unconditional love for yourself. Treat yourself with gentle, kind nurturing, compassionate language such as “You are amazing, I love you so much, and I truly believe you are doing the best you can right now which is perfect. Through this experience, you are becoming richer of a person.”

While you are trying on this space of neutrality, you may bounce back and forth between your familiar critical voice and bringing yourself back to this higher knowing and remembrance of who you are and how powerful you are. Just the fact that you have sought out a higher understanding which always comes from a loving place is proof you are evolving. Each and every time you choose not to be critical and you choose a kinder approach is another sign you are choosing love. And, when you are in the midst of being critical or not feeling too good about yourself, catch yourself and maybe find humor and laugh at yourself. You are human. We have emotions. We all have moments of feeling many different emotions. Allow yourself to feel your feelings without judgment. As the famous saying goes, “If you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all.” This saying pertains to yourself too.

As you go through challenges, reach out to a friend for a supporting voice, or join a like minded group that interests you. Do things that bring comfort to you. Thank you for your question. From my heart to yours!

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Laurie Martin is a national speaker in the arena of self-love and empowerment. As a professional speaker, certified life coach, author, advice columnist and radio host, she shares her passion and knowledge guiding others to tap into their own inspiration. She is the author of “Smile Across Your Heart: The Process of Building Self-Love.” For more info, log onto her website at www.SmileAcrossYourHeart.com or email Laurie questions at LaurieM@SmileAcrossYourHeart.com.