Dear Laurie,
My 50-year-old brother wants nothing to do with my older sister and now he’s even angry at my mother. We all live within an hour of each other. It’s very challenging during holidays and family gatherings because my brother won’t go anywhere where my older sister might be. My mom and sister are very upset over this. I feel really bad! It’s been going on for over a year now and getting worse. My sister has tried to talk to my brother, but he wants nothing to do with her. And I’ve tried to talk to him too and even suggested a mediator. What do you suggest?
Thank you Laurie,
Amy
Dear Amy,
It’s very challenging to see your loved ones mad at each other, sad, depressed and hurt. I too have had siblings angry and not speaking. You have spent over a year trying to make peace, and listening to your family members talk about this. I’m sure it has been very draining and stressful for all of you with many sleepless nights!
These conflicts do affect the entire family. It seems your brother, sister and mom are inside a mini drama now but you don’t have to be inside this cyclone of anger. This is a good time for boundaries. Make a decision that this is not your battle. Send each person love and imagine them connected to their hearts and healed. Try to stay in neutral territory without taking sides and making anyone wrong and placing more blame on one particular person. There seems to be enough fire of blame, hatred and anger going around. From my experience, what puts out the fire flame is love and understanding.
Let all parties know you love them and that you are not interested in talking about this anymore. Over the last year, you have given so much energy to this family drama and you are done. Let them know your boundaries, such as no one is to speak negatively about anyone around you. Your brother made particular choices in how he is working through his issues which is the only way he knows how with the tools he has. Each person in your family is responsible for their choices and behavior. Each party is an empowered adult. Sometimes, we need to allow a little space for people to process their life issues and trust everything is in divine order. Hold the prayer that in time they will fall into their hearts and resolve their differences. Holding onto anger for the rest of one’s life is only hurting that person. Forgiveness is a gift to oneself. Forgiveness is not saying I condone your behavior, it’s saying, I’m choosing to let this go, to free myself of this anger.
There are always two sides to a story. And each person’s story is their own reality. When one person can begin to look outside of their own story, to possibly see another view point other than their own, then they have the opportunity to grow into compassion and understanding. I hold this space for your family! In the meantime, trust life has a way of working things out! From my heart to yours!
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Laurie Martin is a national teacher of self-love and empowerment. As a professional speaker, certified life coach, author, advice columnist and writer, Laurie shares her passion, wisdom and knowledge guiding and helping others release emotional attachments and personalization’s to live with a pure heart, follow their own guidance, be their innate beauty, and live with an enlightened level of empowerment. She is the author of “Smile Across Your Heart: The Process of Building Self-Love.” For more info, log onto www.SmileAcrossYourHeart.com or email Laurie questions at LaurieM@SmileAcrossYourHeart.com.
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