How Can We Love More and Judge Less?


What is a judgment? A judgment is an authoritative opinion. Most of the time we have negative and critical opinions. We make something or someone wrong or bad. We place our beliefs of how someone should behave. We impose our limited views onto others. We blame people for our negative feelings. We personalize everything. We believe another person’s behavior can take something away from us.

Why do we want to learn a new way? When we are judging and blaming others and self for being “wrong” we are not in peace and a state of love. We are not our natural pure essence. We are in a state of separation from our true divinity. In most cases we are angry, annoyed, feeling hurt or insecure and we want to retaliate. We call people negative names such as idiot, moron, stupid etc. We are living in the “blame” field not taking responsibility. Taking responsibility asks us to look inside and ask why? Why are we mad, hostile, afraid, sad or insecure? What do we need to be happy and to feel loved, empowered and connected? How can we bring ourselves back to our full empowerment, to joy and love?

Why do we negatively judge? Many reasons– from holding onto rigid beliefs of how things should be, to feel like we are in control, or to feel a sense of importance due to feelings of lack such as jealousy. If we feel like our sense of value is being diminished, our ego and competitive nature comes out and says, “You are not recognizing me properly”. We think we have to “prove” something. We judge because something is different and it’s uncomfortable to us.

On a grander scale, there is so much blame, anger and hatred throughout our society. The republicans blame the democrats and the democrats blame the republicans. Vegetarians and vegans are intolerant toward meat eaters; meat eaters think vegans are weirdoes. Many people in the spiritual communities believe they are above so called people asleep, and people asleep believe spiritual folks are New Age wackos. Different religious groups feel it’s their way or the highway and they have disdain for other religions. Medical doctors look down upon holistic practices; holistic practitioners point fingers at medical doctors. Even in our daily lives we are constantly judging others and self. We spend so much time running around pointing out what is wrong with a parent, friend, our daughter in-law, mother in law, society and everyone and everything. We do this to ourselves too. We allow the external world to be the “navigator” of our emotions.

It makes us feel better to make excuses and blame others. It makes us feel safe to live in a rigid container. We are insecure and jealous of others success. We don’t believe in ourselves and we are afraid. We are constantly living in a right and wrong mentality with ourselves. We are not good enough. This is a world of CONDITIONAL LOVE AND SEPARATION.

Now that we understand what we are doing, how do we stop? What is the new way? Learning how to unconditionally love oneself, believe in oneself, trust oneself takes a commitment to our personal growth. We practice living in a feeling of love more often than hate knowing that we are divine beings. We take full responsibility for our feelings and emotions. Our validation comes from within. We are not at the mercy of receiving validation from outside of us. We are grounded in our own power and sense of identity and purpose.

It is a balancing act of being in harmony with ego and our pure essence. When we have awareness that we are being “ego” dominant, we can then choose to connect to our pure essence and question our thoughts, feelings and beliefs. Are they stemming from fear? What does the fear have to say? We proactively and intentionally connect to love. From love, how do we feel?

We are learning to live more intentionally from the inside out and responsibly for our thoughts, feelings and emotions. We challenge our limiting beliefs and begin to open our minds and hearts.

We practice non-resistance, Allowance, —Acceptance, Understanding, Unity, Equality, Compassion, Connection and Cooperation, a practice of Unconditional Love.

Life is one big orchestra. And each us has a unique signature frequency. These frequencies are always playing a harmony and we are part of the whole universal symphony. We are ALWAYS creating with our thoughts, feelings and emotions. Instead of using a right and wrong mentality, we practice feeling for a resonance. It simply feels like a frequency match or not. We trust how we feel and allow our feelings to navigate us on our highest and best path. You understand your special essence is so unique just like your own personal fingerprint and so is everyone else’s. You have the ability to say NO to what is not a resonance. And this can be done with love, peace, and respect by harmoniously moving yourself in the flow of a natural resonance. It’s time we understand who we are as unlimited, infinite, beautiful divine and powerful beings. Then maybe we can bring our focus more inward and allow space for others to “be” without feeling threatened. This allows freedom in our minds, allows for choices and space for others to be without a reaction just a space of allowing.

Daily Practice 1. Choose to intentionally live more peacefully and lovingly. 2. Choose to like people and self. 3. Observe when your ego is speaking versus your pure essence. Observe your judgments of others and self. Question your beliefs that created the judgments. 4. Allow yourself to feel/sense/listen to your emotions- your anger, disappointment, sadness, hurt – All of them. See what is being triggered within you. Bring yourself back to unconditional love, breathe it in. 5. Ask, “How can I be more compassionate?” “How can I practice living as if I remember that we are all glorious, infinite fully empowered energy beings with infinite choices?” 6. What is beautiful about this person/self? 7. Practice “allowing” what is occurring, observing as a “witness”, no attachment and allow others to be without correcting, judging or using derogatory names. You don’t have to agree with them. 8. Practice sending wishes of success.

Life is multifaceted, infinite and multidimensional. We are on the path to ONENESS. I will see you there!

Namaste, Laurie Martin

For more self- love daily practices and tools, I recommend my book Smile Across Your Heart, The Process of Building Self-Love. If you have not read it yet, I highly recommend it. You can purchase it through my website ( or on


Laurie Martin