An Encounter with an Adult Bully


Dear Laurie,
I encountered a bully who poured their rage upon me, called me derogatory names and threats. I feel like I’m left in the wake of this person’s mean spirited and emotionally abusive energy. Luckily, I will never see this person again. I know I should have walked away! What do I do to shake this?
My heartfelt thanks,

Dear Amy,

I’m so sorry you had that experience! Emotionally hurt people hurt others. I look forward to the day when humans are healed and have evolved into love, harmony, unity and oneness! We will then have love and compassion for all living beings! For your well being it’s important to process all of your emotions and raise your vibration. It can be challenging to not take this personally. Make a commitment to not walk away from yourself. Say, “Even though I experienced this trauma, I deeply and completely love myself.” Take a breath, and pretend to see this from a distance detaching from the situation, a neutral place. As the witness, you may have a perspective that knows nothing this person said to you is about you it’s about them. She or he is showing you what they have inside of them.

Our job is to be responsible for our own feelings and process them so we can get back into inner peace and empowerment. Carrying the hurt and anger around with you allows this person to stay with you. Don’t give them that honor! Drop the story that is playing over in your head like a broken record. You are not a victim! You are not powerless. Your focus is giving yourself unconditional love and moving back into your power.

(Processing Your Emotions: read through this exercise once before you do the process.)

Sit down and close your eyes. Place your hands on your heart. Breathe in and out through the nose. Relax all of your muscles. Say, “I ask and intend to surround myself with unconditional love.” Tune into your heart. Allow your feelings to come to the surface. What emotions are you feeling or sensing?

Ask yourself: Am I angry? Am I hurt? If so, allow the emotions to tell you why. Tell your emotions they are welcome to express fully. Listen with love and acceptance. What really affected you the most? Is this something you need to make peace with in you? What insight did you receive?

When the emotions are done expressing, say, “thank you for sharing.” Take a big exhale blowing them out of your mouth into the palm of your hands. Imagine holding a pair of scissors in your hand and cut the energy from you. Breathe in unconditional love from the highest source of love. Feel your heart filling with this love and send this love into the palms of your hands. Surround your anger and hurt in this love. See your emotions being transformed into love and light. Imagine placing an energetic barrier made of unconditional love between you and this person’s energy. If this person has anger towards you it will not reach you. This energetic barrier will transform their emotions into love.

Now imagine a time when you felt really good, really powerful and happy. Stay in this image and energy for a few minutes. In your own time, open your eyes and wiggle your fingers and toes and stretch your arms up over your head.

Say out loud, “I know who I am. I’m a good person and it doesn’t matter what anyone thinks. I release and disconnect this person’s energy from every part of me. I let this whole memory go! I tap into my infinite power, light and love and expand this throughout my whole body!”

Do this exercise daily. Be patient with yourself. Allow time to go through your stages of emotions–the current vibrational increase that is right for you. If you are feeling despair, blame and humiliation, a higher vibrational emotion may be hate. From hatred a higher vibrational emotion may be trust and then understanding and then joy. Each person will process emotions in their own time. Continue to bring yourself back to self-love. Ask your own guidance what other information; books or help is beneficial for you right now. I have found these practices helpful: Yoga, meditation, writing in a journal, spending time in nature, running, walking, bathing in a hot Epsom salt bath, the Emotional Freedom Technique, sharing the experience with a best friend, loved one, life coach, energy healer or therapist. To journal, write all your feelings down on paper and then rip up the paper and place into the recycling bin to be cleansed back to LOVE.

Each time you begin to think about the scenario, process your emotions, stop and tell yourself: “that was the past I’m at peace (substitute your own word here) in the present moment.” Don’t continue to bring the past energy into the now. Limit the amount of time and energy you put out there discussing this situation with others. Each time adds to the energy and you continue to give your power to it. Keep reminding yourself: my job is to process my emotions and get back into a state of love and peace. I’m sure you have received MANY more kind remarks and loving behavior from others in your life. Focus on them. Allow those supportive words to play like a broken record in your mind. Write your new positive script out on a piece of paper and read those words multiple times a day.

You are fully healed when you don’t have any animosity and judgment towards this person. And you don’t need or want anything from this person, not even an apology. It was a short paragraph in your book of life and you have turned the page! Smile at what is walking towards you on the horizon! Lots of love, Laurie

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P.S. Adult bullies create little bullies. This is why it’s so important to process our emotions, heal our anger, hurt and fear and get back into a state of inner peace. This article is not a substitute for professional help. You are responsible for getting the professional help that you may need.

Laurie Martin is a leading teacher of self-love and personal empowerment. Laurie is a Certified Life Coach, Yoga Teacher, writer and Author of Smile Across Your Heart: The Process of Building Self-Love and her E-Book, The Conscious Breakup Guide: Navigating Through the End of Your Relationship. She is the founder of the Smile Across Your Heart Experience Course™. And, Laurie is an advice columnist for the Naples Daily Newspaper seen the 2nd Friday of every month called the Heart to Heart column. Email:, Visit: